|
| MOVING ON!!! Soon I will post real things rather than emotional crap! I will stop posting "feel sorry for me" garbage and tell you what I think! About everything! | | |
| Isn't it ironic that less than 15 days after that post I was in a relationship? I am such a retard! Since then I have been in two different relationships, one of which has broken my heart. I guess these things happen, especially when I do things myself. It really stinks. I wish things were different ...Someone once said time changes everything. I was recently informed that is a lie. Time changes nothing: doing something changes things. That what House said. I think I believe him. Its time to get out of the 'victim' mode and move on with God. | | |
| Since all this crap has happened and all I've ever had has fallen to pieces, I'm learning a lot about myself. My dad died. Patrick moved away. My sister's husband is getting deployed and she is a mess. Kathy is hurting. It seems like everything around me is falling apart. All my strong holds have freyed and no longer exist. As time goes on though, God has been so amazing! He has been here, and is here. I love him and want him more than anything else. I will give all I have for my God.
Here's what I've learned...
I am not ready to be in a relationship yet. I have faith, but my faith, while being tried has had to be found. My greatest strength is my strength, and that is my greatest weakness. I have to learn how to have friendships with guys, because I keep screwing them up. I have to accept the things I cannot change and do so in a way that glorifies God. I can't listen to secular music. I can't handle alcohol. I love my Lord with all I have and without Him, I have nothing. I want to be whatever God wants me to be, and that is going to take a lot of sacrifice. I give my heart away too quickly. I am selfish and have to learn to let God control my actions. I truly did love Springfield and BBC! Satan attacks closest to my heart and in my weakest areas. Prayer really does change lives. I need to memorize scripture more and pray more. My relationship with God hasn't changes, he loves me just the same. My God loves me even when I can't do the things I'm supposed to do. I can't be all I want to be to everyone. Relationships of any kind take work and communication. If I stay where I am, spiritually, then my entire life will fall apart completely. My spiritual life is all that matters, and if it is what it is supposed to be, I will be alright, no matter what storm comes. I miss what my life used to be. I trust God to be everything I need him to be. I am going to make it... My God will pull me through, no matter what happens. That's what I've learned since February 1st. | | |
| I think I might be done with xanga...which really makes me sad. I like it,. I've just got nothing to say... Nothing to say that I want people to hear... I'm ready for this to be over... | | |
| So I'm trip'n. All the time, constantly. I hate it, but it's who I am for the time being. I'm alright, but I'm a mess all in one-- it's CRAZY!
A friend of mine said something that blew me away..."nothing can pluck you out of God's hand, not even yourself..." That's right. I know I will always live my life- to the best of my ability- for Christ. I want to know him and be like him. I want to have such an intimate relationship with God that he is all I know. I can't imagine my life without my God.
So I've gotta quit this crap and remember God has me. He has, he does, and he will. That's all there is to it. I can not not be a Christian. No matter what. Because true Christians want God. Even when they don't, they do. I'm probably not making sense, but I know what I'm talking about...
| | |
|
